Visions & Views from a Visiting Voyeur

Loud mouth insight to the nothing and nowhere. Deep thoughts and questions that have no where else to go...

I am really stressing starting my new job. No cool cucumber here. I am a bit worried I will be to tired to exercise, or not eat well. New things are so hard to gauge. Can you tell I like to control my future?

I know! I'm not supposed to worry for two important reasons: 1, Stressing out causes a girl to gain more poundage... ahhhhhhhhhh I don't want to gain weight, 2. I am powerless over at least half of my future. No Crystal balls here!

I did try to do something to help with my stress. I planned out my menu and exercise for the next week at least. I am dividing and conquering the food the next 2 days and I am not taking any excuses from my whiny side. No stop it, you need to get over it whiny side! It's a done deal.

So hopefully my pre-packaged control will keep me from getting to side tracked. Wow I feel so empowered and ... SAFE! Okay! Hey I said okay... let out all the breathe being held in. Breathe... in, out, in, out! Much better. I can't wait to meet you healthier version of me! Come on baby it is your time to shine! Motivational song of the day..... RIGHT HERE CLICK... RIGHT HERE!!!

Ta ta for now!

Today was a medium day for me. I got up and whined to myself how I didn't want to walk in the cold. I am not a cold kind of person. I would love snow if it could exist in 70 degree weather... oh wait that is what Hollywood is for :). After I woke up, whined about the cold to myself and a few furry friends I then remembered the ummm incident I had yesterday with my elliptical.

Imagine this: A 265ish, 5'6" woman up on her elliptical, confidently pumping her weight filled arms gliding her legs like a cross country skier, hair in the wind, racing through the terrain when all of a sudden she must have hit a patch of hard snow because weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... bam bammmmmmmmmm booommmmmm! The once confident gliding snow goddess is now a puddle of goosh on the floor. It takes me a minute to realize that I have now been ejected from my fantasy into a now painful reality. First thought... have I broken my bum? Well did I? Pat pat pat... no it's still intact.. yes every bit of it. I lay there looking up at the ceiling and I hear a familar voice say... well I guess I can't exercise anymore.. he he h.. I mean oh no!!!! Reality check kicked in. I thought if I don't get back up on that thing and work out I am doing the same old thing again. Letting excuses and circumstance dictate who I am and where I want to be. So I got back up on the monster and continued on.

Okay back to today. I checked my bum and it was sore and bruised but alas no serious reason to not get up and do exercise. Don't think I didn't try other things too. I got onto facebook, I talked on here, I even looked up other forms of entertainment... hulu was not helpful either. So I gave in and got busy. It felt...
Okay! I felt good knowing I got in some exercise and housework. I didn't do all that my nagging perfectionist wanted me too but all in all I accept the decisions I made today. Yeah even the eating chinese which tasted oh so good but after putting it into the food tracker realize it was oohhhhh so bad for me. Mental note Chinese is a few occasions a year thing. Okay stored that away with pizza at 700 calories a slice.

I think in changing my life style which is what I really am trying to do I have to accept my actions. If for some reason I can't accept them then I need to do something about them but as a passage in Luke 9... no one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom... and I think even in everyday life if I want to move forward then looking back all the time just keeps me from doing that.

Motivational Tune of the day... CLICK HERE!

Morning Folks.

In week one I struggled with getting back into a good routine. I ate smaller healthier portions and started the exercise slowly. I felt pumped and positive. I lost 3lbs the first week and that increased my momentum.

In week two my plan was more refined. I really started to focus in on what I need to do to meet my goals. I made a motivation poster and posted on my spark page and my home wall. I increased my exercise and really kicked booty. I was thrilled with my push forward. I have people standing behind me cheering me on. I lost 2lbs but then the scale on weigh in day showed no such weight loss. I was bummed a bit. I had worked hard but the results weren’t there. I remembered back to a previous attempt to get healthy and remember that this is common sometimes. Just like week two on the Biggest Loser I won’t lose the pounds I am looking for and there might not be a good reason.

Starting week three I am try to stay positive and motivated. I won’t lie and say that the no pound lost thing hasn’t somewhat bummed me out. I really wanted to meet my goals. I could go and get some ding dongs and say well at least I tried. NOT! I know that the thing to do is to sit down and review what I did. If I don’t find anything in the plan I need to change then I need to move on and go forward. I can’t lose weight or get healthy sitting on my bum having a pity party. The only thing standing between my goals and me is ME!

I know there are others out there who like me have had those weeks when there isn’t a loss or it was a bad week. I have had weeks before where I lost jobs or my kid was horrible. Days that I just wanted to stay in bed and mop. I just wanted to shut down and turn off. It seems so tough to get up and keep doing what you know you need to do for you. I just want a chance to have more good days then bad. I want to know that I gave myself ever opportunity to be the best me I could be. No Regrets! That is what I want my kid to have and why shouldn’t that apply to me as well. I deserve to fly too!

Ta ta for now!

I am using Sparkpeople to assist in my journey. Check it out.

I can't believe this year is almost over. It seems like it just began. And it has been an emotional few years too. But it has been successful too. I have gone back to college, gained more confidence and started getting healthier. I am amazed by it all.

I am currently working on my journey to lose over 100 lbs. As of this past weigh in on Saturday I am down 3lbs. To get me to my goal of a weight between 130 and 150 lbs. I am starting with walking 2 miles a day and alternating on odd and even days with circuit training and my elliptical. I am also trying to make better eating habits. I actually am not a big junk food junkie. I think my biggest kryptonite is sweets, breads and sugar. I actually done well in the last week to cut down my intake of sugar but still am struggling with breads. I made cinnamon rolls this last weekend for a gathering and did okay until Sunday night. Bam! I found myself eating two of those devilish things. Hey I’m not going to pretend that they weren’t great. Those delicious morsels however are going to cost me one way or the other. I need to hold myself accountable and say hey if you eat those yummies then guess what you get to do some extra exercise to get rid of them. We will see if I can accomplish this. I am not a health nut convert yet.

As far as activity this weekend was okay. I walked my 2 miles both days. I also got together with my "cluster" which is a group church that meets in a person's home. It was an awesome time. We prayed and thanked God. I have been told and found that being gracious and having a thankful heart and attitude improves your life 100%. I am grateful that I have been given 2nd and 3rd chances. I am grateful that I have the means to realize my dreams.

If you’re looking to get healthier and are looking for a resource to help with that I would highly recommend I know several folks who have been able to go from couch to running marathons. Others have lost a grown man in weight. It has tons of support and resources that fit easily into your life.

Well I need to wrap this up. I am glad I get to share my journey with you. Life is just more fun when it is lived with others. I hope you really will look into Sparkpeople. It is well worth it. As this week progresses I am going to continue trying to stay in a heart and attitude of grateful living. I wish the same for all of you. Ta ta for now!

Today's tune of inspiration:

Today, I took a bit of a wandering around a nearby town. Though I know I live in a historic area for Oklahoma history and perhaps even for America. But to be honest there isn't much of what was left here. This weekend they had the first Loose Caboose Day. I have no idea what that is all about but they had quite a few antique stores open and vendors selling crafts. We have a Caboose that sits on Main St. It is supposed to represent the era gone by and how the town used to be important for the railroad system during the early days and before the Land Run of 1889. I love looking at the old architecture that is still there. There aren't many builds that still look nice but the ones that have been taken care of are beautiful I think. When I was younger and in school we would get the chance to dress up like someone in the late 1800's and do a mock land run.

Hotel Love :) And the street in front of it is made of bricks as well... which is original to the beginning of the town.

It was built and run in the Indian Territory before the Land Run of 1889. It is now an antique store but if you go upstairs it has newspaper clippings from 1870's and it shows the hotel.

Today, I am posting something simple. A friend ask me to take some pictures of the flowers in my garden. This morning is a cool overcast sky morning. September 1st and fall is definately in the air here.

The sunlight is just peaking throught the clouds.

Next is a Clematis that we have planted near our front walk way.

I am not sure what this one is. I know that it is a flowering vine. The white flowers are small and smells nice.

These are purple mexican petunias. Very pretty but not much of a fragrance.

Now for the Morning Glories which are both one of my favorite and birthday flowers. I love the blue. I was nervous there for a bit that they wouldn't bloom but here they are with another flower in my garden.

And to round it off like Christer would here is a picture of our cat Patches as he lays in front of my computer screen. When he wants attention he wants it now in standard fat cat style.

and Jeni my poochie. She went outside with me to take the pictures.
She posed here because she wanted everyone to see her as well.

Ta ta for now...

Two major questions I hear about Obama, the healthcare reform he has proposed and the American people:

1.) Who is going to pay for healthcare for the public and to reform the current system?
2.) How will it impact Johnny Q Public

Let’s be honest here folks. Corporate America and the Rich will not be funding this endeavor. The rich did not become rich by giving out handfuls of cash to provide for a whole nation. They smartly have their money tied up in stuff and in offshore accounts. The rich don’t see the average person as their concern. The government will never touch it. No we are going to pay for it and our future generations to come.

The flipside to the coin is how will it affect good old me? Well if you are white upper middle to upper class college educated it will probably affect your pocket book some. A few changes may occur on how your insurance is run. Other than that you are cover as usual. You can go get your tummy tucks, breast implants and buy whatever procedure you need to save your life.

For those who are lower -middle class to poverty it means that some will have healthcare insurance for the first time. They don’t have worry about whether they should pay the bills or pay to have a test done. They can have the chance at being healthier individuals. They can get a yearly exam done. They can catch cancer before it consumes their whole body. Then they can turn around and be the productive society member they normally are without the concern of healthcare costs. Note just because one is in poverty doesn’t mean they are lazy and unwilling to try hard to change their situation. Fact is not everyone can be the CEO. That would be a form of socialism. And if you believe that this is just a demonstration of survival of the fittest then isn’t it sad that the fittest is only 4% of the American population. Especially since money seems to determine who is fit and who isn’t. Sucks to be the rest of the 96% doesn’t it.

Now don’t get me wrong. I in no way believe we are currently able to do Obamacare. Politicians are heavily influence by corporate America. I don’t believe I would like my healthcare options to be decided by any of them since their priorities will not be about me but about what pharmaceutical company is the highest bidder or what perk some insurance mogul provided. I am a person. I have a name. And I deserve adequate healthcare free from capitalistic gain. My health and well being should not be less important than your profits.

I also want to know when the government became a for profit organization. I hear that is part of the reason for healthcare reform is to stir up competition. Is there not already competition between the different insurance companies? I don’t believe they need competition but a good swift kick to the hind quarters to take care of their clients. Something that I think is just basic customer service. You take care of the client and the client takes care of you. What happened to that old value? The government was never meant to be a corporation. Why are we going that way now?

I would also like to say to my fellow Christians who I hear oppose nationalized healthcare. I don’t know if there should be nationalize healthcare but their needs to be something. I have heard quite a few say they don’t think they should have to pay for others. One question… what would Jesus do? Didn’t he say that we were to take care of each other? Stop being so darn greedy and do something. Yes you work hard for your money. Yes times are tight and tough. But don’t you believe that if you do the right thing God will take care of you. Is it right for some to have healthcare and be able to be taken care of and not others because they didn’t get the same opportunities or didn’t live the same life? Is that your fault? No but once again it isn’t about you it is about doing what is right. What would Jesus say? If you truly believe in Him I can’t believe you would tell others they aren’t worthy of quality of life. Don’t believe the stereotypes. Don’t live by the lies. If the answer for them isn’t nationalized healthcare then what will you do to help out. What will you do to be what Jesus intended, to love your neighbor as yourself. Ta ta for now…

What would you do if you found yourself ill, going to die and the only thing that would help is the selfless life gift from another person? Until recently I had never even considered it. I had talked with family and friends about being a donor, but had decided it wasn’t for me. The thought of giving a piece of my own body up when I die or even living scared me. It seemed so final. I wonder how many others feel close to what I felt.

I was looking up information about this and came across a few tidbits of info. There are more than 75,000 people in the United States waiting for a transplant. Only a quarter of those waiting will get a transplant that will save their life. ( Before the more recent weeks I would have seen that number and it would have made me think. Thinking though just isn’t enough anymore. When it became more personal to me I could no longer sit back and let my fears, misconcepts and inaction keep me from doing the right thing.

I recently had an old friend reintroduced to me. When we were younger he was the goofy young kid who was a nice guy and a good friend. I don’t think I know of anyone who could say they didn’t like him. In getting to know him a bit again it turns out that he is currently waiting for a heart transplant. This nice guy is 8 months in on his wait time. I was curious about it one day, the ins and outs, and it turns out that unlike getting blood most transplant recipients wait for a donor of the same blood type. Not only do they normally wait for the blood type to match but other factors come into play as well. My friend not only must hope to be the 1 in 4 but also must match his donor with various other factors. This information really boggles my mind. I can’t even imagine how a transplant patient or donor family feels.

So I made the plunge. It was relatively easy folks. I signed up on two different sites. I wanted to make sure not only was my name in my local registry but also nationally. It was important because I have one of the rare blood types.

That means folks who have my blood type are less likely to get the organ they need. Here is one if you live in the USA: . Registering though isn’t enough. It is simple to do but you must also let your family know and if possible include it in a will. Also some states allow you to put that you are an organ donor on your driver’s license. You can also get a card and put it in your wallet in case you get into an accident. I also gave a card to my parents to help them to remember my wishes. These actions alone don’t guarantee your organs will be donated, but it does make the likelihood greater.

No one wants to think about dying. I certainly don’t like too. This is more than about dying it is about living… and living on through others. What could be a greater way to leave this world? Ta ta for now…

I love Rock n Roll. Music in general just sets my mood and takes me to a different place. I was chatting with a few peeps about some tunes earlier today. The subject was about Chicago. I think this band is an all-time classic rock band with a killer horn section and magic guitarists. Take for instance the song “Saturday in the Park”. That song just makes me want to get up and twirl around like a little girl taking in the sunshine and freedom. If you have never had the chance to experience it please take a listen:

Saturday in the Park – Chicago (on Youtube)

Did you feel it? See it? Yup the magical experience still happens every time. It reminds me of when I was little. We had a field that stretched between my house and the road that led to my grandparent’s house a mile away. When the grass was high and the sun played peek-a-boo in the sky, I would actually twirl round and round in that field soaking in the sensation. Sometimes there were castles to conquer or adventures to find. In the winter there were forts of snow to build and mazes to roam in. In one song I can go back to those moments and feel it all again. Who can beat that, right!

Another fun song that has me dancing in my seat is Rubberband Man. If I had a Friday song it would probably be this one. Who wouldn’t want to shake their tail feathers to that tune. Don’t believe me then check it out:

Rubberband Man – The Spinners (on Youtube)

I think I love the blue suits they are sporting almost as much as the song. Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle! You know you want to! Great tunes can just make my day! I hope these made yours. Ta ta for now…

Do you ever sit there and wonder to yourself about what your doing and where you're going? Lately, I have had a lot of set backs. I was looking at a quote of the day... and I couldn't help but want to just give that person who said it what for.

When fate hands us lemons, let's try to make lemonade. -- Dale Carnegie

Well Mr. Carnegie... I think I currently have a lemon grove. Anyone want some lemons, figuratively of course? Then I started thinking. Have you ever made homemade lemonade? You really can't make good lemonade with just one lemon. No to make this tasty drink you need quite a few juicy ones. Then you have to do some work. I mean you could try and put those lemons whole in a pitcher and let that be that but I assure you it won't taste right. Only after getting the right amount of lemons, cutting them, squeezing them and adding the right ingredients will it end up the way it should. Don't get me wrong. I still don't like his saying, but logically I guess it makes sense. Now I guess since I have all these lemons, perhaps I need to figure out what to do with them so that I make them into some great lemonade. I really don't have a clue.

Someone else, who I'm guessing has a bit more experience than I, said to me that that each thing in life is a lesson for us to learn. If we don't learn the lesson we get the opportunity to keep trying. Sometimes I think some folks should just stop trying. Does that mean that sometimes the lesson is to just surrender? I feel like sometimes it is. Surrendering is hard. It means that I know longer wish to control the outcome. It also means that I don't know what is going to happen exactly. Okay so I really didn't know before but I did have the illusion that I might possibly know. That is scary. I know it is getting pretty deep in here. I should be glad that I always where my big boots and goggles while I wade through it. I will leave you with these thoughts to ponder. Ta ta for now....

Today I started pondering an idea I have had for a little while. When I get old and gingered I think I want to open a diner or a b&b. I have thought about it before but what made today different is that I actually started writing out menu ideas. I actually really enjoyed the brainstorming.

If you know me you know I love to cook. Someone could name a main dish or say I feel like something and I for some reason can pair up a meal in just a few minutes. Not sure if my idea would work but I made some banana nut bread last night and I am definately sure that will be on the menu.

I also got invited to go camping at the Illinois River in Western Oklahoma. Amazing isn't it. Here I was just a few days ago wanting to go and the opportunity shows up. I hope it works out because I have always wanted to go to the location I was invited too. Some of the activities that are apart of the trip are kayaking or canoeing down the river, eating around a fire, swimming, and just plain messing around with old friends. I am super excited about it. My son would also be able to go and hang out with some of his childhood buds. I love making hot dogs over a fire. I wish we could also go fishing but the job situation kind of puts a money problem which means I can't get a fishing license right now. I can hear the birds waking me up and the crickets singing me to sleep. Ta ta for now...

Okay I don't normally talk about food here but I just found out I missed Guy from Diners, Drive Ins and Dives visiting a local establishment. I was so excited when I saw the article on it: . He visited last Wednesday a place on Main St in Norman, OK called simply The Diner. The Diner is a tradition in Norman. If you don't get there early on a Saturday you may have no seat. The pancakes are awesome and the atmosphere is upbeat. I know exactly why Guy visited this place. It looks like the show won't be on for 2 to 6 months though.

Guy Fieri is the host of this popular show and I have to say I am addicted to it. He is very charismatic and the places he visits look awesome.

Okay so if you are ever in Oklahoma here is a list of places that this foodie thinks is a must (links provided for some)...

Riverside Cafe - Medicine Park, OK

Bison Witches - Norman, OK

Victoria's Pasta Shop - Norman, OK

Fancy That - Norman, OK

Cafe 501 - Edmond, OK

Pete's Place - Krebs, OK

Cuppies and Joes - Oklahoma City, OK

The Grand House - Oklahoma City, OK

Brown's Bakery - Oklahoma City, OK

Cafe Plaid - Norman, OK

I think I hear a road trip coming on to find more foodie places... ta ta for now.

I haven't really been on here as much as a true blogger would. And one might think since I am still unemployed, though hopefull prospects are on the horizon, that I would spend more time here. Wrong. I am finding that sometimes I just don't have anything to say to this big world.

I read something in a little news piece about one of Obama's hotty helpers. Mr. Love seems to have turned the head of affairs rather quickly. In fact he is seen as a mover and shaker to come. I think in 4 years he will probably be primed and ready to live a life of political royalty. Well unless Obama is ousted in a bed of scandal or ruin. But then that's politics of course and my opinion.

On a lighter note, I woke up the other morning and stepped outside. The sweet smell of summer was in the air. I stepped back into my memories of camping and waking to the flowing stream outside my tent. I love to hear the birds in the morning, the roaring of early folks on the water and their boats humming. The day of simplicity waits for me outside my fabric domain.

I hope that I will be able to enjoy that again this year. I closed my eyes the other day and thought of where I might go. Even today with not much to do out of the ordinary I long for the easy breezy experience. Summers seem to be the time when the world slows down and everything seems lighter and breathtaking. Well summer is just arising so who knows what might happen. Ta ta for now...

This morning, after mopping around, I decided to go for a walk. Last night my son and I were talking and I pointed out to him how the only way to change things you don't like is to do something about it. So what does this have to do with a walk? Well I am just going to say it. I have been in a pity party for one for way to long. I needed to get out and clear my head so amidst the noon day sun I took off down the road.

I walked for about a quarter of a mile and came to my all to familiar stop sign and detour. As I walked closer to it I started thinking about turning the opposite way. Nervousness held me. Going that way leads deeper into the country. In the country there is less traffic and possible danger. Okay so I am probably just blowing a bit out of proprotion I tell myself. See I have seen and experienced things in my life that that make me leary. I tend to find myself in situations that are scary so making a decision to travel down the direction less taken isn't a light one for me. It means I have to face my fears.

I thougth about when I was a child. I loved Robert Frost's poem "The Road Less Taken". I pledged to myself to not be "one of the crowd". To take a chance at going to where others won't go. That road has been full of rich wisdom and knowledge. I have gone down it and came out a live. I don't think I really realized that that road less traveled is a lonely scary road. Now here I am with a real road less traveled wondering should I turn and walk down it.

I turned down the road and the smells of the grass in the field and the creek running brought me back to my childhood. Times where I remember walking miles to my sisters friends houses or jumping off the tree trunk into the murkey waters of the creek by our house. Lazily swimming in its cool waters, splashing and taking in the war sun. Riding bikes down the dirt roads, struggling to ride up the hills but flying down them giggling all the way.

I walked down that road today. I savored the warm sun and tried to stop my brain from analyzing and culminating all the information that lies within. I saw the graceful way the bays in the field pranced around. I heard the birds busy with their day. One more piece of my journey down this thickly overgrowned pathway. Do you go the road expected or down the road of mystery?

Ta ta for now....

Last evening I had the privilege to enjoy a night out with some folks I know. It was in celebration of a family friend's birthday. We went to eat Mexican food, a great start to an evening I think, and then watched the newest in a long line of Star Trek movies. I wouldn't say I am a Trekkie. I was born at a time when there wasn't much to watch and my mom liked the original series. So I knew Capt. Kirk and Spock at an early age. My friend, however, is kind of a Trekkie and so he encouraged us all to be in full Trekkie mode for the celebration. I would have dressed up but I couldn't decide which one to be. The movie was good. It seem to stay pretty close to the original series which was nice.

This week is finals at school. I am both overwhelmed and scared. I keep thinking about that saying... the final frontier. I feel like my life has kind of come to a final frontier moment. If I don't put my bottom in gear I am going to miss the ship. Then I wonder... is this the right ship. There are things in my life that make me question my decision to follow this path. Questioning if I can overcome the hurdles, can I really make a difference, and can I really benefit anyone? I don't know. The older I get the more I realize I don't have one bit of a clue to anything. I have lots of info in my brain. How to make a pie... make pie crust... flour, shortening, cold water, salt... choose filling... apple, cherry, chocolate, lemon, coconut... the further into that pie I get the more decisions and thought I have to put into it until eventually I just can't go back. So though I know I can get so far with little thought, eventually I have to make a decision that determines things I can't change.

Ever wonder where you are going? Ta ta for now....

Today I let myself get dirty. I dug in deep and got down to the nitty gritty. Okay enough of the play on words. I planted some more seeds into my garden. I planted some english daises, cosmos, red poppies, asters, dahlias, forget-me-nots, johnny-jump-ups, blue morning glorys, lavender, sweet williams, Indian blankets, etc.

They are all seeds so hopefully in a few weeks I will be able to see something popping up. I love flowers but I normally am not very good at them. I love to look at them and smell them. Watch butterflies and little bees flitter around them. When they pop up perhaps I will be able to take a few pictures of them and post the progress. It was a nice break to go out and throw out all the rubbish in my garden and dream of the loveliness that it would become. The sun was beautiful too. It wasn't to hot or to cold. Pretty nice day.

The only thing I didn't enjoy today was giving my poochie a bath. Apparently, late last night when I let her out to go to the bathroom she met a new friend. I am sure she mistaked her new friend for our cat Patches but I hoping in the future that won't be a concern. I let her back in and she was perfumed rather strongly with a stench that would make your eyes water. Needless to say this morning I gave my first tomato juice bath ever. She smells somewhat better but some of the smell still lingers on.
Ta ta for now...

Well today isn't going to be full of government bashing. Sorry if you were hoping for that. Today I kind of want to be a bit personal. I struggle with alot with my son. I don't really want to go into detail about it because I feel it would be an infringement on his right to privacy. But unless you have been where I have in this journey I don't think you could ever imagine it. Children can be such a wonder, but to see them struggle especially when it is a great struggle is heart breaking.

He is so cool...

This is him trying to do an ollie!

And the sun goes down...

Yesterday seem to be a good day for us. I took some cool pictures of him doing his thing. We drove home and talked some. I teased him and we watched a movie together. He is getting so old now. I know the days are getting shorter and further away from the days when he was a little boy.

Today was a bad day. He was struggling. I was struggling. And harmony was not ours. Some days I want to scream CALGON TAKE ME AWAY :)! But that just isn't realistic. Some might say I made my bed now I need to lay in it. I want to wish them a glimpse of my journey in their lives. Perhaps then they won't be so snap to judge or offer "advice". One thing that did happen good today is I found someplace that has others who have been or are on my journey. It did confirm something for me as well. Not something positive but at least I am not left wondering. If you know people who are parents that struggle please stop and give them a hand. Offer a cup of coffee, a smile, a plate of cookies. That one thing could be their saving grace for that day. Just a thought.

Ta ta for now....

Today, I am back at discussing my astonishment at how blind as Americans we are. Why would I make such an offensive statement about myself and my fellow neighbors? We have bought into the lie that we are free, that the American dream still lives and that our government is still looking out for our best interest.

Strong claims I know but look at what we are allowing to happen. President Obama claimed he would make the wealthy pay and help the "common man". Today, I haven't seen one step closer to helping the "common man" but it does look like he is just continuing on with what our government, and we as the people, have allowed for at least the last 20 years. Making more debt and promoting Americans to buy buy buy is their message. It is sponsored by big corporations and financial institutions. But what are we buying? Some might call it our own slavery.

Take a look at this....

The video is just one of many I found that describe the myth we have bought into. Today I watched a documentary called Maxed Out. Here is a little snapshot of a summary I got from Netflix:

"Investigating both the personal and the national debt owed by Americans, this thought-provoking documentary explores the staggering financial burden we live with every day and exposes how the contemporary financial industry is set up in ways that can harm unwitting customers. With both sobering facts and black humor, Maxed Out unveils the consequences of our debt addiction, including its contribution to the vanishing of the American middle class. "

I wish I could show you the whole thing but if you are interested you can watch it via Netflix. I was shocked but I shouldn’t have been. It shows a clip of the 2005 Credit Conference the government held before they signed into law a bill proposed by a Credit Financer to prevent people from filing bankruptcy. In the same documentary it showed people who were going to get their houses taken away but in the same week they were losing their house they also received a letter from the institutions that were foreclosing saying please borrow more money from us because you are a valued customer. People whose relatives felt so distraught over their debt that they committed suicide were still receiving offers for more credit years after they had died. What is wrong with us?

How can we ever have the American dream when we can’t afford it and the rich keep on getting richer off of the “common man” and his inability to wake up from his dream world?

The government looks as if it is more in the pocket of the corporations and no longer works for you or me. Until we wake up and demand change… I don’t think it will ever change. But I don’t think punishing the common man will work… he is a slave to a system he wasn’t aware he was being bought into. No we have to start by demanding our government relinquish its ties to corporate America. And I think that can only be the start of it… maybe take away their ability to give themselves raises… make being a career politician less lucrative. These are some of my random thoughts out there for you to mull over.

Ta ta for now….

I love looking at pictures. Today once again my blog buddy, Christer, had some lovely specimens to share. It inspired me to show a few more pictures of how nature is transforming for spring.

This purple budded tree is Oklahoma's state tree the Red Bud. I took this during my hike. Very pretty I think.

This is a tulip from my garden. I just planted it in the fall so its life has actually just begun here.

This is some variegated vinca that I planted a few years ago. It has lovely indigo flowers.

Not sure what vine this is... but it has beautiful yellow flowers.

Strawberry plants blooming

Some of my daffodills.

I have recently come to a time of reflection in my life as I have said before. I recently read something that asks you to consider a scenerio. The scenerio is you have just been to the doctor. You have been told you only have one year to live. It goes on to ask you to imagine what you would do... who would be with you... what would you say to those you love... what unfinished projects would be important to finish... and where would spend your final days. It goes on to propose that you reflect on this and ask yourself why you don't make these things a priority in your life. No one is guaranteed a tomorrow. I thought it was an awesome thing that brings alot of things into perspective. I only have this one life. I shouldn't allow me to keep me from living it the way I was meant to.

Oklahoma Sunset....

Ta ta for now....

Today has been a day of reflecting. I keep hoping my big epiphanies about life will get me more quickly to where I wish I was but I guess you can only take one step at a time. A good by product of them however is the cleansing feeling I get after I have one. It is as if a good spring rain came up and washed all the mud from my mind.

Have you bathed in the flood of awareness...

Ta ta for now....

Two weeks ago I went with my kid and a friend to a place near by. I climbed up half a mountain... well sort of. Each step was just beautiful. Sometimes life gets so cluttered with stuff that we miss the beauty that is ever so close.

I don't have a clue what happens tomorrow... okay that isn't completely true. I have class tomorrow, but besides that I have no clue what adventure lies out there. I really do think it is time for me to get simple and clean. Take away the clutter and junk. Look at that beautiful sky. I think I could wake up to that every day and still be amazed.

Ta ta for now...

The people who get on in the world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want. ---George Bernard Shaw

I am in the process of changing my way of thinking. Trying to change my bad habits and ways of living is a challenge. We are almost a quarter of the way through the year. The New Years resolutions I made back in January have been put on the back burner to some extent. So does that mean that I can't make them? I think that there comes a time in every goal where I need to sit back and reflect where I came from, where I am at now and is where I am going the destination I want. I had a professor tell a class I was taking that it takes 21 days to make habit. If your struggling and not sure you can make it just think you could just be 5 days from your life changing to the goal you are looking for.

What do you think?

Ta ta for now...

I am actually reflecting on the one and only Fat Tuesday celebration I have ever been too. There was booze. There were people giving away beads and it was in the heart of New Orleans. Shocker I know. Me in the middle of party central.

I actually was there with 10 other individuals from my college in 1996. It was the year that they opened up Hollywood Planet. I couldn't believe how they had to backdown the street way to let the limo with the three models who own it get out. Anyway, back to the 10 individuals and myself. We were there for a different kind of party. This was my first missions outreach experience.

No we weren't the people with the signs signfying that everyone was going to hell. I was so ashamed of the actions of those people. No instead we worked with a college from the area and went in groups of two walking around just talking to people. I had the opportunity to talk to these two guys who some how got their happy drunk butts stuck together with their beads. I was nice and untangled them so they didn't hang each other.

I learned what a ghetto really looks like and how you definately should dig deeper in a person that just their cover. We met gutter punks and world travelers. We also thought we had found a dead guy. It was actually very scary. Someone went up to him and tried to see if he was okay. We actually ended up getting a police officer. Don't worry he was still alive.

I really did enjoy that trip. I got to see how awesome it is when I let God use me. I don't have to be anything special just willing to yield.

Ta ta for now...

This week has been well interesting to put it simply. I had my trust and friendship violated and betrayed. I had a thought tonight about how much expectations play in how I trust. I expect others to treat me the way I try to treat them, to respect me and be as I don't know... But how realistic is that. Not very I guess.

Erickson brings up that if a infant loses their trust at an early age they can struggle with it for the rest of their lives. The trust vs mistrust can be dealt with in a later stage but until it is the mistrust colors the child's life. I have been thinking on that and how it relates to my life.

I also have been thinking about should I really trust anyone. Is there anyone who is out there who isn't looking out for #1? Have we as a society come so far from our establishment of community that we no longer are able to build real relationships and trust with each other. Do we always have to be on our guard for what the other person really wants or their real purpose?

Power is another things. When did power become more important than loving our neighbor as ourselves? Lording power over another whether it be overtly or covertly how is that better than building healthy relationships. One of my professors last week talked about intimacy and the USA. Intimacy isn't about sex. It can involve it but it is about something so much more. My professor was showing that Americans struggle with being intimate with one another. We are causes and not trusting of others. I wonder if this could just be another powerful symptom to a disease that permeates our shores.

What do you think?

Ta ta for now...

Can we have science and religion? I am going into Psychology and Sociology. I have read many things that tell me that I cannot hold to these sciences and still cling to my religious thoughts. Can this be true. Must I grasp the Darwinism and Nature argument? I challenge you to view this video and just as I am asked to be open to the views that oppose mine I ask you to allow these to stimulate thought and dialog about something that currently is being muzzled in the scientific community.

for the rest of this go to:

Ta ta for now....

Tonight, my thoughts are on the devastating fires and flooding in Australia. I believe I heard on the news something that echos my thoughts that it seems so strange to have such vastly different devastation occurring at the same time so close together. I believe from what I last read the fires had killed over 131 people who have been verified as dead with over 500 still missing. Aid and assistance is pouring in from Indonesia, New Zealand, and other places. Though the officials have no doubt that many of the blazes were set they are not releasing any names yet. Over 10,000 animals in the wild have lost their lives as well.

Times like these do tend to bring people together and perhaps give them reason to pause on reflection in regards to how they are living their lives. Some become closer to God or a religious aspect. In psychology some might say this is "terror management". We recognize our own mortality and grasp for something to give us peace or calm to this fear. So is religion holding tightly to some magical thinking that makes us feel safe or more secure in the fact that we will one day die or to deal with difficult situations or is it something that we hold onto because despite our mortality or painful/fearful situations it is real. That God or whatever we ascribe too has changed us. That we have had a true experience that cannot be gauged by what is going on in our lives.

If Terror Management is true does that mean people who are healthier and live less stressful lives are more likely to not be religious? Hmmm. Or if you are poorer and live in a dire setting will that mean you are more religious?

I think some things just can't be explained. Some of what the theory says is probably true for some. However, just because something can't be logically explained doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or is real. Some things just are. If a child reaches out to catch the wind will it not slip between the small fingers and leave the child's grasp empty. Sometimes I wonder what I am doing going into this field when I see so many things that go against my values. Then I remember I am on this journey for a reason. I believe that this is the direction God is leading me in.

So where do you stand?

Ta ta for now...

I have been so busy the last few days that I haven't been able to visit. Yesterday, I had Earth Science. I find some sciences very fascinating and I think I will enjoy this subject if I can figure out how to learn in it. Sometimes I feel like the lecture is more than the subject matter and it is hard to follow. Also I can't concentrate because of an annoyance. The teacher says umm kay a great deal. I feel like sometimes she is the female version of that one teacher on South Park. Umm kay?

I read a story today about a tanker in Kenya that exploded and killed over a 100 people. They believe more will die from it in near future. It seems that people were steal gas from the overturned tanker because the substance is hard for them to get and expensive. This isn't the first time in the region for this kind of thing to happen. It has been reported across their region as a growing problem.
It is really sad that we as a world are at such times as these.

On a happier note, tonight I made Minestrone Soup. It was delicious. In fact I have a link to the recipe so you can try it yourself. It is really easy to make and healthy to boot. So enjoy... Oh and I took a picture for you as well. Just click on the picture and it will take you to the recipe.
Enjoy and ta ta for now.

I was glancing over news worthy articles when I ran across one that made me whence in fear. Apparently, while I was at work today and everyone else was using cardboard to sleighed, the postmaster general was recommending that the rule that establishes a 6 day a week mandatory mail service be lifted. So what's the big deal? The post master is suggesting that post offices be able to choose when to deliver, generally choosing to not deliver on days that are the lightest in mail. Wow so what happen to whether rain, or sleet or whatever the rest of it is the mail person will deliver my mail?

We seem to be in such dire times that even the post office can't do its job. Since email, blogging, cell phones and other types of communication have become popular, good ole' snail mail seems to be sadly falling to the waist side. I am a bit surprised they didn't ask for a bailout, everyone else is.

The story actually reminded me something a friend told me. She was having some trouble with her mail person picking up her mail. It seems that picking up mail is now an option according the local establishment. I wonder how she will fare now that the post office is so destitute that it can't deliver the mail either.

Scary times folks. Have you hugged your local post person today?

Ta ta for now...

I have been busy the last few days. I am taking 16 credit hours of college as well as work 40 hrs a wk so to say I am busy seems a misstatement. The good things so far is 3 of the classes have kind of started on the same foot, scientific method. I am really glad because I am still trying to organize myself so I get it all done and done right. Three of the classes are very important because they are classes that go toward my major. Making a good grade in them is a must.

Okay so I stopped for a few minutes to give my brain a recess and created the following...

This really isn't too random. I am actually studying the different theories and stages so I decided to get creative with one of them. Sometimes doing something like this helps me to remember them better. I have learned about Erikson's Theory before but I needed some refreshing.

Besides studying I actually got some away time this morning at church. I baked some yummy cinnamon rolls (homemade) and had a interesting conversation about entitlement vs servant mentality/how we live our lives vs the role model Jesus presented for us. A lot of great discussion and information. I love it when you can sit with friends and acquaintances discussing things and everyone pitches in so that when you walk away you have a even more balanced thought.

I also read about an article put out by the AP. It discussed the current proposed stimulus initiative and how lobbyist and special interests groups are not counting themselves out even though Pres. Obama has said he will put a stipulation on it so that the money doesn't go to earmarks (pork belly legislation). They are probably right next to me in terms of the thought that the groups have politicians to much in their pockets. The article actually stated as much. The good ole boy mentality of you scratch my back then I'll scratch yours will never be done away with or at least watched over better unless someone really looks into what is going on. I don't think it should be anyone with interests in the outcome either. That tends to push bias into any reports that are made.

Well I guess I need to get back to eeekkkkk evolution and life-span development. I am not a supporter of evolution so I guess I will just grit my teeth and push forward.

Ta ta for now.

I was talking with a friend, she blogs at, today about the state of our nation, mommy blogger and social aspects. Some how we got into a discussion on conformity and I had a thought and my blog topic tonight.

As I have written before, a professor of mine and I am sure others feel that humanity is inherently good. Some of the proof that the professor lined out was how people waved hello to people who pass by. I was walking into the college I attend and opened the door for someone. The thought about humanity being inherently good popped in my head. I don’t know why I am struggling with that phrase. Perhaps because it goes against values and morals that I deeply believe? What if I am wrong? Then does what I believe about humanities goodness mean that I am also wrong about other strong held beliefs. Before I start going insane because I have now found out the sky is really red and the grass purple I came to this thought.

What if really people are just conformist? People here in Middle America wave at each other because it is what you do. People open doors for others because it is what they know to do. It is not about that good feeling you get when you step out to be nice or being friendly. No it is doing what you know is expected or desired in society. It is more of a learned response just like when someone asks you how you are. The normal learned response is fine and how are you? I am sure that some do it out of friendliness or for the warm fuzzy. I know I do it normally because I guess I wanted to be treated with the same respect and kindness. But I observe others and I don't know if they give much thought into why the do what they do.

I don't know if there is anything wrong with that. I see things that raise a flag for me. Tonight I also watched Horton Hears a Who. Wow do I have a lot of thoughts about that movie and some things I understood from it. Perhaps a discussion for another night. To be or not to be a conformist... not sure which one. Maybe that is one more reason I am just a visiting voyeur. My heart leads me away from the confines of society and leave me standing on the outside with what I hold to.

Ta ta for now...

Who is the better cook?

About this blog

This blog is a rambling of different thoughts, subjects and ideas. The world has many things to offer and what might be contained on theses pages is anyones guess. Enjoy.

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