Visions & Views from a Visiting Voyeur

Loud mouth insight to the nothing and nowhere. Deep thoughts and questions that have no where else to go...

Tonight I want to discuss the things that we allow ourselves to get entangled in. I am studying to go into the counseling field. I am not stating this to say that I am in anyway 100% knowledgable in the area of counseling or in Psychology or Sociology. I do have a keen interest in it and at times can't help but fervently research topics and beliefs. I have read about addiction, mental illness, criminal behavior, family, isolation, abuse and the list goes on and on. However, I am not an expert and can only provide the information I have.

One of the things that crossed my screen was info on codependancy, relationship and/or love addiction.

I believe codependancy is defined or as CODA describes has some of the following patterns: denial patterns (I don't know how I feel), low self-sesteem patterns ( judge everything I think, say or do harshly, as never "good enough." ), compliance patterns (I put aside my own interests and hobbies in order to do what others want), and control patterns (I have to be "needed" in order to have a relationship with others.)http://www.codependents.org/foundation-docs-patterns.php Some believe that relationship and love addiction are the same thing as codependancy while others see them having similar components but being separate issues. Some experts don't even recognize relationship and/or love addiction. I honestly don't want to debate that particular aspect because I don't have enough knowledge in myself on all sides.

Relationship addiction is as one person described it as, "all consuming activity that kept me pursuing to be pursued, doing what I needed to do to keep the buzz going". Relationship addicts tend to stay in relationships even if they feel they no longer love them, the relationship is abusive or the other person is pursuing means to get out of the relationship.

Love addiction's characteristis are similar. Some say that love addiction encompasses relationship addiction. Some of the characteristics are: lack of nurturing and attention when young, feeling isolated, detached from parents and family, compartmentalization of relationships from other areas of life, outer facade of "having it all together" to hide internal disintegration, mistake intensity for intimacy (drama driven relationships), hidden pain, seek to avoid rejection and abandonment at any cost, and afraid to trust anyone in a relationship.

These three things, I believe, infect our societies more than most anything else yet they are the least acknowledged. Listen to the radio, watch the tv, read the newspaper or get a book. We are entangled by this so greatly that society is blind. But the blinders are slowly falling off it seems. Lifetime, Oprah, and even Sports Illustrated is discussing the effects. It is however a disease with a foundation in shame or even worse in acceptance.

If any of what has been said rings something in you please view the links below:

http://www.recovery-man.com/loveaddict.htm

http://www.codependents.org/

http://www.brightertomorrow.net/

Well that is it for me. Put a fork in me cause I'm done! Ta ta for now.

2 comments:

I don´t think that it si so common as I belive You think it is. Yes, I can see theese behaviour at times, byt not often.Perhaps there´s a difference in our two countries?
Christer.

In my opinion, love/relationship addiction and codependency are real-life problems, underestimated by many people including some professionals. I'm also not an expert in this field but there are some reading materials I'd regard very important for anyone interested in codependecy and love addiction: "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and books by Patrick Carnes.

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This blog is a rambling of different thoughts, subjects and ideas. The world has many things to offer and what might be contained on theses pages is anyones guess. Enjoy.

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